The experience of painting itself became an increasingly significant consideration, and the emphasis which we placed on process clearly implied that results were of correspondingly diminished importance. It was the activity that we valued. The search is the reward, we told ourselves, and afterwards we can consider our results. This attitude the romanticism in my nature embraced without difficulty. I could easily envision myself in a large, dim studio, totally lost in the dreamy wonders of my own evolving creations, occasionally dragged away by a faithful servant for a few bits of food and a bath, say, once every six weeks or so, whether I needed it or not.

There was also the matter of the finished paintings themselves, which were usually, as nearly as I could tell, unqualified disasters. Not that it mattered much, at first anyway. I was, after all, a student and as such, my goal was to learn my craft - how to use paint, what it will do, how to organize the picture plane. I tried to grasp the principles of balance, of color relationships, of pictorial order. Abstract expressionist painting is well suited to teach such lessons. In addition, when the limitations of dealing with recognizable subject matter are removed, creativity can be experienced more directly as pure expression. An almost spiritual bond can form between the artist and his canvas. Anything seems possible and worth the risk, because of the unplanned effects which sometimes suddenly emerge, or because of some other beautiful and unexpected visual event. Such experiences can be gratifying, exhilarating, even mystical.

On the other hand, Abstract Expressionism was surely the most loquacious movement in the history of art, bringing a new and unintended dimension to the maxim that "one picture is worth a thousand words" Endlessly, we discussed method; relentlessly, we discussed motives. Interminably, we pursued and investigated the intricacies of every fact, form and function of the art in which we were so immersed, always striving for a genuinely reliable assessment, a permanent conclusion, a dependable rule, or most elusive of all, an unassailable and enduring value. All these we diligently sought, and seldom or never found.