Now, having made the commitment to live by His will, to accept His plans for me instead of insisting on my own, something radical began to happen, something extraordinary and supremely mystical: I began to have a personal relationship with the Lord - as opposed to an abstract relationship with a church or religion. This is a friendship which has through the years since, become my greatest treasure, the one which I value above any other.

Initially, however, it seemed a mixed blessing. How would I appear to others, I wondered, now that I had become a bona-fide RELIGIOUS FANATIC? In my own mind, I had proceeded from a shrill but acceptable sophistication to the sort of religious orientation which would render me dangerous to a few, ludicrous to many, and suspect or amusing to nearly anyone. I truly dreaded, at first, the smug inferences and condescending insinuations which I anticipated, and many months passed before my desire to be acceptable to the Lord superseded my desire to be acceptable to those who knew me. By then, however, I had been showered with benefits of such magnitude and profusion, and my priorities had been so extensively reordered that the question of who approved of me, apart from the Lord, was no longer relevant.

These developments prompted a period of heavy-handed evangelism. Newly endowed with boundless spiritual riches and eager to share them, I grabbed at every chance to tell others about the gospel. If no opportunity arose, I created one. You know the type. I made a few strangers with my pushy good will I'm afraid, and tested a lot of people's patience before I noticed that the fruit of your beliefs is usually the best way of telling about them.

Born during the depression, I was raised in an environment which encouraged a deep respect for the value of money and material well being. My need for both was considerable and constant, and my ability to detect the slightest threat to my financial security very finely tuned. That summer of 1970, the only thing smaller than my faith was my bank account, which was about to disappear. Practically broke, with no work and no prospects, I approached destitution with all the serenity of a man trapped in a free-falling elevator.

The time had clearly come to submit my situation to the Lord, and I contemplated doing so with barely suppressed urgency - perhaps panic is a better word - not only because of my vanishing bank balance and all which that seemed to connote, but also because I feared the Lord's intentions for my life. I deeply felt the need and the desire to submit my entire future to God, to commit it ALL to Him, believing that if the Lord was for me, then none could oppose me. If He were not, then whatever I attempted would be meaningless. I knew it. Nevertheless, I hesitated, procrastinating out of a great fear, a dread that the Lord might wish me to do something that I would not want to do, like join the Salvation Army. Still craving a career in art, I knew that if the Lord was going to lead me, it would only be because I sincerely wished and permitted Him to. He would not compel me, because there is no coercion in love. But I knew that He would not reveal His will for my life, either, unless I set my own will aside. This must be entirely my own free choice.

When I finally found the courage to humble myself, to put my future in His hands, and to pray for God to reveal His plans for me, fear be came terror. This was no game. I was truly asking and I knew that He was truly going to answer me

He did. Soon, speaking to my heart without the sound of words in that uniquely mysterious and unmistakable fashion of His, the Lord revealed to me that it was His desire for me to resume my work in art. He showed me that He would provide ample time to do the work He had for me, and that He would take care of all else in my life, Supplying all my needs. He led me to understand that henceforth, He, the Lord himself, would provide the subject matter, the visions for what I was to create. From now on, HE would be the source of my inspiration.

I had not painted in months, and I was eager to get to work. One of my goals was to earn a living from my art, and I knew my impending penury would help keep me motivated whenever my natural laziness threatened to slow my progress. Furthermore, I was beginning to become aware of a holy dimension in art, aspects of perfection which are on ly hinted at in the thi gs which are seen. In fact, these were the first intimations of the revelations and portions of revelations which were to become the foundation of all the work which I have done since that time.

As I prepared to resume painting, my aspirations were tempered by an acute awareness of my limitations. No one, after all, can understand the unbounded beauty of God's wonders, let alone disclose it. Never theless, I had found the Lord to be patient, exceedingly gracious and I believed that He would not test beyond my abilities. I was beginning to believe also, that He would never fail me, no matter how often I failed Him.

And so it was that summer, that I picked up my brushes and paints, and having been born again in my spirit, I simply asked . the Lord to lead me, and began again.