Many languages carry the description equivalent to "falling in love." What is it that takes place when you are suddenly overtaken by this amazing sense of recognition? Do some chemicals get loosed inside making you behave strangely, or is there some truth to the tale that Cupid has shot you with one of his magical arrows? Are you bound to "fall," or is there ever the possibility you might "rise in love?"

The honest answer is that although there have been myriad attempts to explain love; romantic love remains a mystery to us all. With Human Design, there are many clear indications as to what is actually going on between two people. Relationships can be clearly seen whether they be love relationships, family, or business relationships.

In this article, I examine how we can simply and easily bring intelligence to all our relationships by applying the knowledge within Human Design. Design works from the premise that we do not come here to suffer; we come here to be. When we appreciate who we are, we experience Self-love and when we find Self-love, we can truly impart love into all of our relationships.

A brief history of relationship

There are many legends of great and fantastic romance stories where the lovers meet, struggles are endured, resolution comes, and everyone lives happily forevermore. And then I remember that they had no plumbing or cars or telephones or email and in fact, the way of life experienced in those not too distant times was completely different. So perhaps, the whole story, or the true story has never been told.

We are not far removed, even in the West, from the age of 'goods and chattels,' when marriages were arranged to ensure financial stability and young people were traded like cattle. Many couples today have prenuptial agreements and you only have to witness one California divorce to find out who is considered worth what in a relationship. There are still many groups in societies that insist their children only relate within their own group, but slowly, the global village opens the possibilities for a dramatic shift in how we all perceive relationship.

It is an age of complete reexamination of how and why people come together. All relationships are changed and there is an urgent need to be clear that if we are going to be in relationship, and have ongoing reflection from those we love, then we need to become wise in recognizing exactly what those reflections are and what they mean to us. There is no such thing as an intrinsically good or a bad relationship but there is the possibility of an intelligent and loving relationship.

Partnerships seen through Human Design

In Human Design, it is a simple matter to draw up an individual person's chart and read from that chart exactly how that person is designed to interact within the world, consistently. When we bring two people's charts together and overlay them, a new picture is developed which clearly shows the coming into being of an entirely new energy form. The combined chart clearly shows the distinct energetic ways in which the two people unite. Let's look at some people we all know to see how their relationship dynamics are illustrated by Design.

Prince Charles, in his chart is designed to be aloof, objective, and is designed to wait to respond. He is creative, instinctive, individual, romantic, moody, and brings transformation in unexpected ways into the lives of many people of diverse backgrounds. He is not particularly comfortable with his emotional nature and he is very particular about who he lets really close to him.

Princess Diana, in her chart is designed to be private, personally motivated, and needs recognition and invitation. She has a logical thought pattern and at the same time is powerfully emotional. She is not particularly comfortable when she speaks, is not very clear who she is or how much she can accomplish, and always has an uncertainty about how she is perceived by others. She embraces completely all whom she sees as 'family.'

When the two charts are overlapped, there is a different design.

Prince Charles & Princess Diana

This chart shows how the two energies meld together and a number of things are instantly apparent. Again, I never look to a relationship to be either good or bad because there is no such thing. Relationships when lived intelligently can only be good because we get reflections of everything we need to see, but there is the likelihood that Prince Charles and Princess Diana were never aware of many of the issues confronting them. There are correct and incorrect ways to interact according to one's design and if one is conscious of what works for you and what doesn't work in relationship, harmony follows.

One of the details that is immediately apparent in the combination chart is an inherent difficulty in communication. Whenever Charles and Diana had to discuss comes through Charles' particular form of expression, as he is the one who has a consistent energetic connection to the throat, the center of expression, from his mind. Conversations will generally revolve around what he knows, and Diana probably feels suppressed.

Whenever the two of them attempt to do things together, they find a difficulty, in that the energies from the motivating (lower) part of the chart do not connect to the throat center where they can become manifest. The energy remains ready to go but cannot, potentially leading to a sense of frustration. Diana brings a friendly and focused emotional energy to the relationship and Charles has a single gate in his solar plexus center that can be very sensitive when he feels emotionally overwhelmed. While her need is to have a community of friends and family surrounding her, Charles needs space to reflect. Within the composite chart exists a definition that could make them struggle fairly constantly until they felt that their combined energies were synchronized. If they don't know how to easily resolve their struggle, their relationship is in trouble. When the two of them are in harmony and company, they dramatically affect the lives of everyone who comes in contact with them, either personally or from a distance.

Camilla Parker Bowles

Camilla Parker Bowles, (a manifesting generator,) in her chart is designed to be aloof, individual, romantic, tireless and social when she chooses. Everything she commences she must complete in order to find true satisfaction in her life. She has no major goals or achievements to actualize in this life, and does quite often puzzled and even hurt in how she sees people perceive her. She has a special touch with animals.

When Prince Charles and Camilla's charts are combined, another story emerges.

Prince Charles & Camilla Parker Bowles

This chart shows a design where all 9 centers are inter-linked in a continuous energetic flow. Talking together, doing things together and feeling complete with one another, with no need for company, characterizes this relationship. Both Charles and Camilla are very individual in their own natures and find a compliment in each other's design. Individuals in Design terms, are typically musical, romantic, melancholic, provocative, acoustic and can be seen to be "doing their own thing."

Camilla brings a personally assured way in her social manner that can easily settle Charles' emotional sensitivity. Between the two of them, they enhance each other's inspiration, talents, sense of leadership, experience of love, and creative drives. Since there is a large degree of "connectivity" between Charles and Camilla, they would probably appreciate occasionally spending time apart to embrace their own individual lives.

The four main areas of Connection in Human Design

Electromagnetics

The obvious instant connection when you meet someone is when "sparks fly between you." This comes about when one person has one side of a channel (* see December 2000 article) and the other person has the other side. This is called an "electromagnetic" connection. When the two people meet, the energy combines to define the whole channel and the energies flow between the two centers. It can feel like a rush of energy in an otherwise quiet part of one's being. The more of these connections there are in a relationship, the more sparks fly. This can be very exciting, but too many of these connections bring a point when the relationship overheats!

Friendship

When both partners in a relationship have the same gate or channel activation in their own design, the two combine in an area of friendship within the relationship. It is as though both parties are looking through the same window at the same view in their lives. Friendship leads to empathy and having several friendship connections potentially strengthens the harmony in relationships.

Dominion

When one partner has an entire channel defined and the other partner has nothing in that channel, the partner with the definition has dominion in that area. This is a particular unique energy that your partner brings which you do not share in, but you may admire, appreciate or perhaps, simply tolerate. When you are the one who has the dominion channel in your design, it is helpful for you to be aware of the effect it has on your partner, i.e. you bring something to the relationship that your partner may be aware of, but in which they may not be able to participate.

Compromise

When one partner has a whole channel defined and therefore he or she is accustomed to consistently moving their energy in a particular way in that area of their being, but the partner only has a gate in that channel, there exists a state of compromise in the relationship. This area of the relationship bears much conscious attention. With compromises there can be potentially a mismatch of energy, leading to a sense of resentment because there is always the feeling that one or other of the partnership controls the flow in that part of the relationship.

How to make sure you start a good relationship?

In addition to how things work within the relationship once it has formed, another very important factor is that you enter into a relationship in a way that is appropriate for you in terms of your design. This means that most of us are waiting to be introduced to each other, so that we can respond, (Generator) or feel invited, (Projector); when this happens, we enter into the relationship because it is really attuned to our nature. When we are unaware of our design, we are more likely to enter into the wrong relationships, having to later extract ourselves. If we are conscious of our design it will always become apparent to us who is the right person to join into our lives and who is not.

The highest wisdom in relationships

It is said that only mankind and womankind know how to laugh. It is said about laughter that apart from being fun, it is the greatest form of exercise available, in that a good belly laugh involves more of the body's muscles than any other single activity. Consequently, in any relationship one of the fundamental understandings must be, that to have a healthy interaction there has to be laughter.

As the great mystic Osho says: Life, Love and Laughter go together. Yes, there are things of consequence and serious matters to consider in all relationships, but there must be humor. Each one of us thinks, feels, does and says all kinds of funny things and that is what makes us human, unique and lovable. It also gives us all the chance to appreciate our wisdom in sharing our part of the "Cosmic Joke," life.

Next month: Sex in Design...